Erin Reuss
Sociology 111
10/06/00
Everyone at some point in
his or her life strives to find the right person to share a love relationship
with. Although everyone wants the perfect relationship, everyone’s
definition of the perfect relationship is different, and because of these
differences, the behaviors people demonstrate and the roles they play in
the relationship will also be different. These differences cause
a wide variety of interesting relationships, and varying roles within those
relationships. To study an example of these roles, I chose to analyze
the love relationship of my mother and father. I observed them in
several situations to see what norms and rituals of culture they followed
and how the structure of these different environments affected their behaviors.
The first situation
I observed was at my mom and dad’s work. They work for the same company
and occasionally they are in the same office building together. In
this situation they were working in the same office building, and I observed
that, of course, they didn’t show any affection for each other. They
also did not discuss any matters that did not pertain to their jobs.
They behaved this way presumably because the norms of any job are that
the employees keep a professional relationship and do not bring domestic
issues into the work place. Although everyone that my parents work
with know that they are married, my parents have to convey a professional
relationship by treating each other like they treat all of their other
co-workers. I also observed that my dad almost treated my mother
less than equal to the way he treated other female co-workers. While
most of the other men in their workplace held open doors for my mother
and other women, my dad did not hold open the door for my mother, but instead
walked in ahead of her. I think this could be that my dad does not
want other co-workers to feel that he gives my mom special treatment.
Some things that I observed were that my mom and dad did not raise their
voices, joke around, or tease each other like they might do when they are
at home. This is because the ecology of their work is a serious place
where everyone concentrates on doing a specific job for the company.
It would be breaking a norm if they did not act in a serious manner, which
complies with the structure of work.
I also observed them
at home. When they came home from work that evening, they both immediately
changed into more comfortable clothes and discussed a co-worker my mom
had a disagreement with and some of the problems they encountered at work
that day. The ecology of home is a place where people can relax and
be themselves. This is why my parents changed clothes, to be more
relaxed. They were also able to discuss problems they had that day
at work that they could not discuss while they were at work. While
they were discussing their days, my mom was cooking dinner and my dad was
checking his stocks on the computer. I think the fact that my mom
was cooking dinner while my dad was working on finances, really fits the
stereotype of a white, middle class, middle aged married couple.
I also think part of structure of the relationship of a husband and wife
at home is to work together to keep a happy, clean, financially sound household.
From this observation at home, my mom cooking and my dad working on their
stocks, I believe my parent’s relationship fits this very well.
The last place I decided
to observe my parents was at a church service on Sunday morning.
On the way to church I observed that my dad was the one that actually drove
the car, he opened the church doors for my mom and he let her sit down
in the pew before he did. He also held the hymnal for my mother while
they sang. My mom did not really convey any specific characteristic.
It was almost as if she was following my dad’s lead. In church my
mother wore a conservative dress and my father wore dress pants and a tie.
I think the behaviors my dad exhibited are somewhat due to the fact that
the ecology of church is an old traditional structure where the men still
take care of the women and everyone tries to come across as being respectable
“good” people. They both dressed up because it is a norm in
most churches to wear your best clothes when you come to worship.
My mom and dad did not talk very much, and when they did, it was only in
a whisper. This behavior comes from the norm that it is disrespectful
to be loud while the preacher is talking or while people are trying to
worship. In this situation it was still obvious that my mom and dad
were a married couple, from the characteristics I mentioned earlier, but
neither one seemed to have more power in the relationship. Because they
were in church and they were jointly taking part in a worship service,
they were both playing equal parts in the relationship.
I decided to tell
my parents that I observed their behavior in several situations.
I did not think that observing them was unethical or that it might bother
them. I think they enjoyed hearing some of my conclusions for why
they behave the way they do in some situations. I also enjoyed observing
my parents and looking at their relationship in a different way.
I had never wondered why they behaved the way they do before, I just accepted
their relationship. It was interesting to be able to match some of
societies’ culture, norms and ecology with the way my parents behaved in
their love relationship. This assignment really made it apparent
what a huge role societies’ structure, culture and ecology make on our
relationships of any kind.